Of Love, Diaries and Regrets..............

Of Love, Diaries and Regrets..........

Thap!

She got up and collected the newspaper lying in front of the door. She unfolded it and scanned

through the first page. A pamphlet fell to her feet. She bent to collect it. She faintly saw a face she

recognised. Pushing the glasses mounted across her temples to rest over her nose, she

examined the face. This time she knew exactly who he was. She read the name. It made her go

back to the time she had first heard it. She went through the content of the pamphlet. A sense of

pride gripped her. She always knew he would become a top neuro-surgeon one day.

*********************

10 years back.

In the lawns of a prestigious medical college, she was wandering aimlessly. She was an hour

early on her very first day. It was typical her. She saw a figure approaching from behind.

“First year?”

She turned to see a fair, tall and great looking guy. He could easily pass as a model. He had grey

eyes which complimented his features. She was surprised how her jaws were still intact at its

place.

She mumbled, “Yes.”

He yelled at her, “Then go back home, you idiot!”

She was flabbergasted.

“New to Mumbai? So stupid? Don’t you know this college? What happens in the first day to FIRST

YEARS?”

Her body was trembling now.

“GO HOME!” He ordered in a decibel higher.

She stood there, totally numb. He pushed her out of the college gates.

*********************

Present day.

She smiled, again saw the pamphlet and caressed the picture of him. He still looked like that

Greek God who everyone loved. He still looked like that guy who was her first love.

*********************

10 years back.

She skipped an entire week of college. Not because she was scared of what will happen. She

was scared to see him again. She prayed to Jesus for strength and went to college the next day.

This time, deliberately late. All through the week, she was puzzled as to who he could be. But she

found it better to forget about him. She liked her classes, she made new friends and was the

favourite of her teachers. She saw him after two weeks at the canteen. She avoided him.

As she sat, he pulled a chair beside her.

“Hey you! How are you?” His smile was electric.

“I’m fine.” She wanted to be rude.

“I know I was ill-mannered the other day. But I also happened to know what your seniors had

planned to welcome you guys. It was safe for every first year to be absent till the grand plans of

your seniors were foiled. Our college has a deep association with ragging. As the college G.Sec,

it is my duty to bring it down to minimal. My apologies for the yelling.”

He got up, faintly hugged her amidst a full-packed canteen and mouthed, “See you soon.”

Normally, she would have slapped such a guy. But that very moment, she was pink. She could

see the chics in skimpy clothes eye her with envy. She felt like she was floating.

They quickly turned friends, good friends, and best friends and eventually, bestest of friends. They

chatted every day and every night. They went for coffee, movies and rides. It’s not that they were

alike- She was a Christian. He was a Hindu. She relished her chicken and mutton. He was content

with his dhoklas and khandwas. She was simple. He was a show-off. She was shy. He was a

rebel.

One day, he confronted her at their den.

“How do I look?” He flashed.

“Impeccable.” She meant it.

“I like Gayatree. Trying my charm there. After all college ends for us in a month.”

He hugged her and murmured over her ear. “Wish me luck.”

She fell to her feet. She didn’t know why, but she felt pain lingering through her chest. There were

tears in her eyes and she had no idea why.

She ran out of college.

He kept on messaging. She didn’t reply.

He texted-“Gayatree said yes. Phew!”

She thrashed her cell on the floor.

After that day, their friendship went kaput. He tried to reason, but she was no longer happy with

him. She pretended to be normal, but after a point she couldn’t take it. Whatever he did, didn’t

please her. Perhaps, because deep down, she knew he couldn’t ever be hers. Though all she

wanted was to be with him forever. “How could I want it?” She asked herself.

She stopped seeing him. He graduated soon, keeping him away from her life.

*********************

Present day.

She re-read the pamphlet. She felt that pain again. She experienced tears again.

Television Interview also at 6 PM.

She re-read it. Television Interview also at 6 PM.

It was 8 AM. 10 hours- she calculated. Many flashbacks entered her mind. The time they spent

with each other, the messages he sent after his graduation, the mails he frequently wrote about

his life and also the countless times he requested to meet again. She never replied. Not then, not

now. NEVER.

That incident changed her. She had stopped counting in how many ways.

She took the day off. Lying in her bed, she waited for 6 PM. She didn’t know why she was doing

this.

*********************

6 PM.

She switched on her television. He looked dapper in a black Armani suit.

The anchor asked him all sorts of regular questions. She knew the answers. She had read all his

mails. She noted the maturity in his voice. 10 years, things change. He went on and on about his

experience, his struggles to be a neuro-surgeon, his stint in USA and how he has now returned

back to Mumbai permanently. He established a private hospital, an institute for medical studies

and special care centres for the poor.

Anchor: “One last question Sir. Any regrets in life?”

He took a pause.

“Yes. Everyone makes mistakes. I made mine. When I first realised I loved a junior from college,

it was too late. I had lost her forever. I regret not realising it earlier. I regret not confessing it to

her. After 10 years, I miss her.”

The show ended in a few minutes.

Her Blackberry popped up with a tone. She reached to check it. It was a mail. From him.

Dear,

I know you must have seen my show on TV. I typed this mail and was waiting for this moment to

send it to you. The junior is you! I loved you then, I love you now, and if you give me the chance,

I’ll love you always. Please reply.

She didn’t know what to reply. She didn’t know what to type. She didn’t know what to feel. She

was numb, again. She wished he was here again to pull her towards him.

Ting!

She arose to open the door. It was her husband. She had been married for 2 years now. She had

a four month child breathing within her womb. Her husband brushed his lips over her right cheek

and entered. She, somehow, stumbled back to reality. She realised what she was always going

to be in compunction for. She reached to her Blackberry again, re-read the mail, sniffed her tears

off and selected- DELETE.

*********************